Michelle

My sister-in-law Michelle passed away on February, 22, 2022. We went to her memorial service this past Friday. I met Michelle on Thanksgiving Day, 1995. Mike had told me that his sister reminded him of Suzanne Sugarbaker, the Designing Women character played by Delta Burke, so that I would have a point of reference.  Like Suzanne, she was a beauty - like Suzanne she was bold and told you what she thought whether you wanted to hear it or not.  But, like Michelle, she was funny, creative, talented, fiercely loyal to her family, an organizer, a lover of Americana and America. She was a daughter, a wife, a mother, a sister, a sister-in-law, an aunt, a friend.

The memories we have of people we’ve lost in our lives are all different from someone else’s of that person. I will always remember my sister-in-law as someone who treasured her mother as a confidant and friend, one she had her own language and understanding with, who she communicated with in both pronounced and implicit ways.  Michelle and Mike’s mom, Elsie, created the wedding favors and centerpieces for our wedding.  They were fabulous, incorporating our beach theme and the royal blue that was the color of the bridesmaids’ dresses. 

I loved how Michelle’s eyes sparkled when she laughed or shared something she thought was funny.  She had very expressive eyes.  When I was pregnant and overwhelmed with putting together a baby registry, she and my mother-in-law drove down to Hermosa Beach and took me to Toys R Us, drilling down what was a necessity and what was a “nice to have” item. 

She was great at planning her kids’ birthdays.  Her ability to plate food and coordinate colors was nothing short of spectacular. She definitely had an artistic eye which took her in many directions, from creating wood holiday decorations, to making and selling jewelry, to preparing and packaging treats for school events and parties, to painting sets for the plays at Pinecrest School in Moorpark.  I can’t imagine that kind of talent - of owning that attention to detail, of walking into a room with my family all color coordinated and looking like they popped out of a clothing catalog.  

Michelle liked to talk and could tell a good story.  I learned a lot of DeGagne Family history from her stories and the corrections inserted by the rest of the family as they were being told.  She was extremely proud of her children and fun to watch when she teased her husband.  She was strong in her faith and her beliefs about our country.

I don’t know why Michelle’s number was selected in the “rare-cancer lottery.”  It was not easy for any of us to witness the way Erdheim-Chester Disease debilitated her, the woman we knew and loved. It’s easy to go to the rant that life is not fair, but that doesn’t change the course of events. I don’t know why - what I do know is that all of us felt helpless in changing her course, all of us wished she would not lose her light. All of us will miss her, her talents, her strengths in whatever role she was to us: a daughter, a wife, a mother, a sister, a sister-in-law, an aunt, a friend. Even in the darkness of loss, though, I also know that Heaven is a little brighter with the light that is Michelle.